I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
