Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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