I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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