Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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