You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
