I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
