i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
