the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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