mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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