I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
