this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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