im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
