I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
