I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
