Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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