I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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