I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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