walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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