ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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