Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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