I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
