Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
