How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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