there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
