when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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