Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
