He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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