you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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