I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's no shave November. This is our time.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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