Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
