I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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