He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
