The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
