I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
be right there i have to get my cape
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
