what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
