Pants 0. Shit 1.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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