porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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