Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
