The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
