just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
