I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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