haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
