Have you finally orgasmed yet?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
