Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I party with great urgency now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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