are you still at the devil's house?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
