I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
