He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
