They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
