I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
