why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
