I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
