I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
