She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
