I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
