Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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