is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
