Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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