oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
