I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize