if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
