Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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