nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
