I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
where are you?
Hypothermia
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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