My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is it penis luge time yet?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
