I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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