I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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