wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
