he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
