Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
