mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
