I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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