I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
