i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
