He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
