Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
