i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
whose parrot is this?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
