I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
