The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You smell like stripper and shame
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
