just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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