Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
