Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
