hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
